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dps for those who cant be bothered to read the guides

Posted: Thu Apr 04, 2013 11:28 pm
by pigman
supadupachalupa wrote:OK, I'll bite.

Full disclosure: I'm a lvl 153 rogue so trust me, I know what I'm talking about.

I can see how you can be misguided into playing the rogue intuitively thinking it'll lead you to a DPS build. Clearly, after your 17 levels of extensive rogue experience, you should be one-shotting mobs. This disconnect between reality and your perception is entirely the games fault but fret not; I'm here to help.

First, your stats. Add all your stat points to Vit and Focus; say 90/10. Despite the fact that Str increases your damage and Dex increases your attack, they do not increase your DPS. Only Vit and Focus will do that.

For skills, max out bandage wounds, hide, fast reflexes, and meditate. Why?
Bandage wounds: longer you stay alive the more damage you can inflict. Voila. DPS
Hide: why waste time on simple, one-star mobs? Sneak around them to mobs at least 30 lvls above yourself and unleash the pain of a real DPS, which you'll be by the end of this guide.
Fast reflexes: the faster you react, the faster you hit back. Makes sense, right?
Meditate: extreme focus, zen, inner peace, in the zone, etc. Increases your chance of inflicting the death touch on mobs. Death touch = infinite DPS.

Now let's talk about gear. All this earthstone stuff everyone talks about being the best DPS equipment? Rubbish. Bloodlust helms? Scrap metal. Even the daggers that the rogue quest forces upon you is an effort to lead you astray from performing the DPS task of a rogue. Again I'll break down the equipment you need.

Head: bone is harder and denser than leather. True story. Ditch that flimsy leather helm OTM saddles you with in the beginning. All those cowls that are sold in the castle? Made of leather. Catch my drift? Your noggin will stand up to the abuse better and keep you alive longer. Being alive means you can do your thing you awesome DPS you.

Body, legs, feet: see head above.

Main hand weapon: I'm gonna say it again. Do not let OTM decieve you into thinking the dagger or any other weapon is productive for a DPS. For ultimate damage the bare hands come in second only to the war torch dropped by the Picts near the beach. It will take you 5 seconds to farm one though but really, who has that kind of time?!?! Not you of course, considering you probably wasted 2 minutes looking at the stickied threads in this section only to find out they were a bunch of lies. Just stick with your bare hands and serve up them knuckle sandwiches.

Offhand: not too many options at your level but it doesn't matter. You know why? Cause there's only one thing better than a knuckle sandwich and that's TWO knuckle sandwiches!!!

Necklace, rings, and bracelets: have you ever watched Bruce Lee fight? How about wrestlers? Boxers? MMA? Gladiators? Good. Then I'm sure you've noticed a common theme amongst them all. They don't wear jewelry to weigh them down!!! DPSs needs to be lean, mean, damage-inflicting, killing machines. Save the bling for the women. And believe me, there will be hordes of women once they see the awesomeness of your DPS.

Hope that helps! DPS away!!!

Re: dps for those who cant be bothered to read the guides

Posted: Thu Apr 04, 2013 11:37 pm
by Robert
Is this a joke?

Re: dps for those who cant be bothered to read the guides

Posted: Thu Apr 04, 2013 11:41 pm
by pigman
yes it was a joke, someone posted asking how to be dps and supadupachalupa wrote this, its hilarious

Re: dps for those who cant be bothered to read the guides

Posted: Sat Apr 06, 2013 5:47 am
by KiyKiy
brb changing my build to this

Re: dps for those who cant be bothered to read the guides

Posted: Sat Apr 06, 2013 3:22 pm
by Brookie
This is fantastic! Lmao!! I wish i said this.

Re: dps for those who cant be bothered to read the guides

Posted: Sat Apr 06, 2013 5:25 pm
by SneakyPerry
I doooo love giving me some knuckle sandwichs and this is probably the best guide I've read so far.

Re: dps for those who cant be bothered to read the guides

Posted: Sat Apr 06, 2013 11:21 pm
by KingRaaa
, nice loopa! Too bad you dont follow your own advice.. :D

Re: dps for those who cant be bothered to read the guides

Posted: Mon Apr 08, 2013 7:32 pm
by Magicarcher
lol, this is awesome advice :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

Re: dps for those who cant be bothered to read the guides

Posted: Tue May 28, 2013 11:17 am
by MrN1ceGuy
Reading this made me cry tears of joy.
NOTE: "two knuckle sandwiches"- that part made me hungry for some odd reason.

Re: dps for those who cant be bothered to read the guides

Posted: Wed May 29, 2013 3:47 am
by Snipes
Best guide in the world... All new players. Follow these easy steps :lol: